Illness Of Doubt

“And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High.” (Ps 77:10 AV)

That of which the Psalmist speaks of his infirmity is found in the previous three verses.  He questions the veracity of God’s faithfulness.  Specially towards His people.  He expresses the feeling of being abandoned by the LORD.  In the first part of the Psalm the writer does what he can to encourage his heart in the midst of trouble.  He reminds himself that God hears his prayer (vs.1).  He remembers God’s faithfulness of the past (vs.5).  He remembers those times of rejoicing in the middle of the night (vs.6) And, he diligently searches for evidence of God’s faithfulness (vs.6).  All these exercises come of naught.  He cannot find a remedy for his doubt.  He cannot, because doubt in God’s faithfulness is our infirmity.  What we have to see is even though David is struggling with his faith, he does not quite.  Following verse 10 is a list of things that David does.  He doesn’t give up remembering and searching.  He does not surrender to doubt.  HE fights until doubt is expunged.  He fights doubt until doubt flees.

The more I meditate upon this truth, the more I realize that we have reduced God to an academic subject and minimize His person-hood.  God is not an ‘it’.  God is a ‘he’.  He is a Father.  He is our Creator.  He is our benefactor.  He is our merciful judge.  He is our guide, our friend, our love.  Because God is a person, He has emotions.  Because He has emotions, they are directed towards those whom He has created and whom He loves.  Our infirmity is faith.  We cannot see God.  We read of Him and commune with Him.  But, we cannot see Him.  This lack of complete contact hinders our ability to believe.  In a way, it also grows the depth of that belief.

In our ‘super spiritual’ self, we want to believe we have all faith.  We do not.  We are exposed to trouble and our faith is tested. When that faith is tested, it a grown.  What we cannot do is give up.  We cannot give up exercising those things which build the faith, which at the moment, is weak.  Meditating on the remainder of the psalm will give us the clues we need to endure through deep trouble and come out the other end with deeper faith.  Don’t get too comfortable, though.  For, just around the next corner will be another set of circumstances that might also bring into God’s faithfulness, only to be proven to be true.  It is our infirmity.