Open and Honest Better than Closed and Misleading

“Open rebuke is better than secret love.” (Pr 27:5 AV)

One would rather not have either.  😊  But, if we had to have one or the other, according to Solomon, it is better to suffer correction than to think things are super-duper.  It is better to hear the honest opinion of someone who says they care for us than for them to stay quiet to protect our feelings.  This is not to say we should be rudely blunt all day long.  We wouldn’t have anyone who loved us in return.  What Solomon is driving at is having our relationships openly honest and appreciating an individual who will risk that relationship to help the very person they say they care about.  Let us say again.  If push came to shove, we would rather have neither.  Open rebuke is embarrassing and encroaching.  We get defensive when someone dares to point out the obvious.  Open rebuke here does not mean in front of others.  It means open and honest.  This is often the hardest rebuke to take.  When someone nails our faults right on the head, it’s like getting struck with blunt force.  It hurts.  Hiding the truth hurts far worse. 

I love doctors!  I really do.  I have had many doctors throughout my half-century life.  Some who care about their patients more than others.  My childhood doctor, Dr. Miscotto, was blunt as the day is long.  He didn’t care how much you cried or carried on.  I can remember him rebuking my mother for the fits we would pitch as we agonized over a tongue depressor.  He was the doctor who had to re-break my wrist and set it a second time.  He warned me that if I did not care for my wrist correctly while it set in a half-cast, he would have to re-break it and set it in a full cast.  I didn’t heed his direction and smarted for it.  My current doctor had to take a bit of getting used to.  He is a thorough clinician.  He loves labs, tests, and numbers.  A scientist extraordinaire.  This puts him in the category of personality deprived.  More of a scientist than a comforter, my doctor is blunt!  At first, I didn’t care for it.  I thought he was rude.  However, after being under his care for the last two years and wading through some underlying health issues, I began to appreciate his comments more and more.  He will point to and poke my belly and tell me I have a problem.  How rude!  I would rather him be blunt than protect my feelings and see me suffer for my poor decisions.

This verse is written to both parties.  The one rebuking or pursuing secret love, and the ears of the hearer.  The advice here is both ways.  For those who observe someone whom we say we care for, we are told to help them correct serious errors rather than to protect their feelings.  For the hearer, stop getting so defensive.  I could find a doctor who would dance around my health issues because he wants my business.  I could find a doctor who would ignore the truth for the sake of seeing me again.  I have had several doctors like that.  Or, I could appreciate a friend who will tell me things I don’t want to hear but need to hear.  In the age of the snowflake, we pass on constructive and helpful criticism.  We do this to our detriment.