Wrong-Headed Wretchedness

“I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me. And if thou deal thus with me, kill me, I pray thee, out of hand, if I have found favour in thy sight; and let me not see my wretchedness.” (Nu 11:14-15 AV)

 

What Moses sees as his wretchedness is actually his failures as a leader.  More pointedly, his limitations as a leader.  He cannot lead so great a people all by himself.  He actually had Joshua as his military leader.  He had Aaron as the leader of the sacred aspects of the nation.  That left the administrative needs of such a large people.  With 600,000 men able to go to war, some project the population of Israel at that time was closer to 2.5 million men, women, and children.  What made this an even more daunting task as they were in a state of nomadic travel.  The logistics of that undertaking boggles the mind.  Feeding that large of a populace alone was something even the normal person could not manage.  Add to that the complications involved to travel from one spot to the next, organized the encampment, and put in place the simple operation of wilderness dwelling would put anyone down if he had to do this all himself.  But the worst part of it was the administrative responsibilities that would arise as a nation lived with one another.  Judging disputes would be all-consuming.  No wonder Moses wanted God to kill him if that was his lot in life.  It would have anyway.  Killed him, that is.

When a leader stresses out, sometimes it can be of his own making.  One of the most stressful events of my life happened one Friday evening.  I was working at the pizzeria with our owner.  Normally, the pizza side of the restaurant required six to seven people to run.  Friday was the busiest night of the week. Thousands of orders were processed.  The number of orders going through would stagger the mind.  There was usually for makers, one pounder (that was me), and two oven attendants.  The makers made the pizzas, the pounder kneaded the dough and organized the whole process, and the pullers pulled the pies out of the ovens, cut them, boxed them, and sent them to the cashiers.  On this particular Friday night, the owner was grieving the loss of his father.  He was angry, bitter, and mournful.  This resulted in him dismissing the entire kitchen staff leaving him and me alone.  Two men doing the work of six.  I have never worked as fast or as hard as that night.  When the rush was over, all the staff came back to their stations and he allowed me to take a break.  I went out front and had a nervous breakdown.  It was traumatic.  All that stress was deliberately caused because the practice of delegation was refused.  I was glad to do it.  For his sake, it was therapeutic.  He was able to work out his grief.  Afterward, he went into the back and sobbed.  Something he had put off but needed to happen.  On one hand, the stress did not need to happen.  On the other, it did.  The example is simple.  As leaders, we can put ourselves in overwhelming situations because we expect to bear the burden alone. Or, we expect to have all the answers.  Or…..

Moses was not failing because he had limitations.  He admitted as much.  He saw his limited abilities as wretchedness.  He saw his inabilities and a liability.  He took all the blame for his shortcomings as a personal thing.  As if he could somehow overcome his humanity and successfully lead all by himself.  Leaders beat themselves up too much.  Especially in this area.  That takes on a burden which they believe the LORD has for him or her, yet never stop to realize there is only so much that humanly can be accomplished.  He or she takes that burden and expects to be successful despite shortcomings.  This principle is not restricted to a delegation of responsibilities.  This principle is true in many aspects of leadership.  There is no way we can put upon ourselves superhuman expectations.  We don’t have all the answers.  We don’t have all the strength.  We don’t have all creativity.  We are limited to the gifts in a quantity that God has given.  Moses wanted the LORD to kill him because he saw his limitations as a negative thing.  However, the LORD gave him wisdom in overcoming those limitations.  No one expects us to excel beyond our capabilities.  Not even God.  So, then, why do we expect it of ourselves?