Emotions On Your Sleeve

“So Esther’s maids and her chamberlains came and told it her. Then was the queen exceedingly grieved; and she sent raiment to clothe Mordecai, and to take away his sackcloth from him: but he received it not.” (Es 4:4 AV)

 

The back story here is important.  The reason Mordecai was in sackcloth was he, as well as all captive Israel, were in mourning.  Haman, that wicked servant of the king, moved with envy against the Jewish people.  Mordecai refused to bow before him as he entered the palace, so Haman convinced the king to write an edict that would exterminate the Jewish population in the kingdom.  This he did without knowing his own queen’s lineage.  Esther was Jewish.  Haman may or may not have known this.  It mattered not to him.  He was upset with Mordecai and wished to see all Jews dead.  This is why Mordecai was in sackcloth.  Being found in sackcloth in the presence of the king was also an infraction worthy of death.  This is why Esther sends out garments for Mordecai to wear.  The verse which follows reveals Esther knew nothing of the decree set against her and her people.  When the garments were returned, she discovered the purpose and reason of the sackcloth.  It mattered not to Mordecai.  He was a dead man anyway.  What difference would it be if he was killed for wearing sackcloth or because he was a Jew?  May as well mourn before God for your life than to wait for the inevitable.

While in Junior High, I was part of the drama class.  We put on plays throughout the year.  I remember two of them distinctly.  The first, The Little Drummer Boy, I played the lead role.  It was all over the local newspapers and I was on the front page.  Yuk.  There I was for all my friends and the entire community to admire or mock.  Whatever they were predisposed to do.  The other play, which I do not remember, is burned in my mind for one reason.  It was the first time I kissed a girl.  Not on the lips, mind you, but for a twelve-year-old, kissing was embarrassing no matter the person.  Especially in public.  During practice, the drama instructor tried as hard as she could to get me and this girl to do the scene.  When we got to the kissing part, we simply couldn’t do it.  So, she rewrote the script to allow us to shake hands.  Whew.  Dodged a bullet there.  Whether it was The Little Drummer Boy or the later play, dress rehearsals and the play itself found the players dressed in attire that reflected their character.  There was the classroom where we were all made up.  But we came to the play already dressed for our part.  There I was, in the passenger seat of our car as my mother dropped me off, dressed like a street urchin of the first century.  I wore the garments in public and one can only guess what others were thinking.  It mattered not.  That was who I was at the moment.  I was the Little Drummer Boy.  Even if my garments made others uncomfortable, it didn’t matter.  I had a calling and purpose that required me to dress that way.  If someone, who did not know my purpose, offered me a new suit, I would have rejected it.  The garments reflected my purpose. 

Comporting ourselves as saints will, by nature, make others uncomfortable.  Our emotional state is something that defines what we are and what we might be going through.  Mordecai was concerned with the future of Israel.  He was concerned with what that decree would mean to many.  He was not concerned with the future as far as the nation’s existence.  He was fully convinced with the covenants of Abraham that if the king’s decree was successful, then God would raise up Israel from a different stock than was captive in Medio/Persia.  His mourning was over the consequences of this edict on the people and families who would be killed.  As believers, we think we have to hide what we are going through.  There is a fine line between hiding what we are going through and a balanced and measured expression of the trials that face us.  We should always exhibit faith and joy in the troubles that face us.  But we cannot swap out our concern and sobriety as though what we face does not affect us.  Mordecai’s choice to wear the sackcloth resulted in Esther discovering the purpose and being an instrument in the hand of God which brought victory from defeat.  Being transparent with life and circumstances may move others to do something about it.  Perhaps putting on that strong front isn’t what we need to do.  Letting others see there is something going on is a way to elicit prayer and comfort in your deepest time of need.