Render A Hug

“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” (1Co 7:3 AV)

 

Sorry, gentlemen, this is for you this morning!  We know the context.  The context is physical intimacy.  Paul is instructing the saints they are to render to their spouse physical intimacy due them.  For men, we understand what that means.  We have certain needs.  These needs are strong.  These needs are essential.  However, each gender defines physical intimacy differently.  Men may require a certain type of physical intimacy.  However, their wives require something else.  It is not that they mind that form of intimacy that their husbands enjoy.  Rather, they have a different need which is just as strong.  When it comes to fulfilling this intimacy, men have just as hard, if not harder time, honoring their wives than wives do their husbands.  We see the holding of hands, the hugging, and even the cuddling as restraining.  We see it as humbling.  We see it as something we would rather not do.  But Paul is clear here.  We are not showing to our wives due benevolence if we neglect this need.  Note this need is what is due her.

I may have used this example before, so please forgive me if I have.  In an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, Ray, and Debra are having an issue over her need to cuddle while they sleep.  Ray cannot seem to get any sleep because as soon as Debra falls asleep, she cuddles Raymond.  He cannot move.  He is stuck in whatever position he finds himself in when she cuddles.  The whole episode is over Raymond’s plans to overcome this.  All he wants is a good night’s sleep.  He compensates with more affectionate words.  He sees a counselor who tells him he is not showing enough physical affection.  So, he starts to hug and kiss her more.  All in the hope that when they lay down to sleep, she will remain on her side of the bed and allow him to get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.  He even goes so far as to use an inflated child’s toy to act as a substitute.  They argue back and forth.  Raymond is trying to find some deep phycological reason why Debra feels the need to cuddle as much as she does.  Insecurity is the possibility Raymond raises.  To which she says something like, “Maybe the reason I want to touch you is that I love you, you big jerk!”

We may not understand the reasons why our spouse needs that type of affection they crave.  It really doesn’t matter if we do understand it.  Paul is not asking us to figure it out.  What he says is plain.  The benevolence they crave is due them.  This goes for both spouses.  Wives can be equally insensitive about this matter.  The world has taught us that men who carve their form of physical intimacy are selfish and immoral.  Yet that is not what Paul says.  He says it is due him.  But more importantly men, as strong as you feel your need is, your wife feels the same regarding her need.  The marriage that grows stronger is the marriage that respects one another’s needs and seeks to do all they can to meet those needs.  Regardless of what it means to us, men, we are to meet the physical needs of our wives as best we can.  Just because we may not think it important, it is important to them.  That is all that should matter.