Cultivating Friendships

“Thine own friend, and thy father’s friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother’s house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off.” (Pr 27:10 AV)

 

Relationships have become disposable.  Whether be offense or by neglect, we tend to value relationships as something extracurricular and not the necessity which they truly are.  Our writer, Solomon, is teaching his son that a neighbor and friend who is nearer in proximity and loyalty is better than a blood relative who is distant in one or both.  Our attention, this morning, is drawn to the underlined phrase above.  Forsake not.  It is common for us to forsake those relationships closest to us in favor of more distant relationships or none at all.  We allow them to become strained or lack the intimacy they once had for various reasons.  A disagreement might arise.  Life might become busy.  Other interests may steal away our time so these close friendships go unattended.  What is of particular interest is the friend of which Solomon speaks is one which his father cultivated and passed on this his children.  Or, his father’s friend’s children became his son's friends.  A multigenerational friendship.   There are few of those anymore.

This art is not totally lost.  When I lived in the south, it was common to see these extended friendships.  Especially because friends grew up together.  They went to school together.  Small communities tend to be like that.  Everyone knows everyone and there are relationships that last generations.  In fact, in most cases, they are assumed.  That is until someone gets offended.  It was fascinating to listen to the stories of parents and adult children as they regaled the spoils of the early days.  One such friend, Lawrence, had a memory like a steel trap.  He didn’t forget anything.  He also knew relations of kin like no other.  There was a history book written regarding the county in which I served.  He could go through that book and tell you how each and every person’s life intersected with another.  Then there was another family who grew up living on the river.  The Tennessee river, to be exact.  Lawrence would take me by that house and show me where his childhood friends and cousins would spend their free time at the river’s edge.  He would take me to a field and reminisce how it was once the homestead of another family whom he knew since childhood.  The thing about Lawrence was these relationships were not shallow or fleeting.  He knew everyone and everyone knew him.  He made an effort to maintain his relationships with others.  Forsaking a friendship was something he simply did not do.

There really is a simple truth which the Spirit desires we consider.  That is, let us not forsake our deep friendships for other relationships that may never grow as deep.  It took much time and effort to come by these deep relationships and neglect, or a simple disagreement should not end them.  Forsaking implies neglect.  It implies lowering the value of a relationship so it is not grown.  The neglect comes before the day of adversity.  This means, forsaking a close friendship will hurt in the long run.  This forsaking occurs because loyalty is misplaced.  Loyalty to a blood relative is valued as higher than loyalty to a friend who has stood the test of time.  I’ve had a few of them over the years.  These relationships have lasted over twenty or more years.  I cannot imagine how they will ever fade.  Forsake them not!  There will come a time when you will need that friend.  Or, that friend will need you.  Forsake them not!