Fettered Feelings

 “Hear thou, my son, and be wise, and guide thine heart in the way.” (Pr 23:19 AV)

 

The word for ‘…guide…’ means to be straight; to be level; to go forward, be honest, prosper.  The understanding is the heart is to be constrained or placed in parameters so that it can go on in a focused and determined direction.  I don’t know why this picture popped into my head when I read this, but it fits the understanding.  I imagined my heart outside of my body in the palms of my hand.  There it sat, pumping and convulsing in my hands.  My heart was constrained between my hands and not resting in the cup of my hands.  It twisted and convulsed in many directions, but my focus was straight ahead.  Rather than allowing the impulses of my heart to determine the directions of my steps, the opposite was the course.  To constrain my heart so that my heart, eyes, and feet headed in the direction I was supposed to go.  I know.  Sounds like a nightmare, right?

There was a rule in my childhood home which, at the time, I and my siblings didn’t understand nor appreciate.  This rule involved the expression of emotions.  All emotions.  Not just bad ones.  But all of them.  My father would not allow any excessive expression of emotion.  This is understandable if the objective is temper-tantrums, malice, or lust.  However, my father also included levity, joy, and other such ‘good’ emotions.  We resented him for that.  For a long time we didn’t understand what it was he was trying to accomplish.  As I grow older, I understand more and more the principle he was trying to instill.  Emotional discipline is necessary.  I will give you an example.

My brother-in-law, who is the second coming of Sylvester Stalone, invited me to play on his team during the men’s basketball league at church.  I felt honored.  However, I didn’t know a thing about the game.  Darren played all through high school.  The last thing I wanted to do was to embarrass my brother-in-law.  Because I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t play a whole lot.  Which was good enough for me!  However, I was rotated in and Darren was rotated out.  Bad move.  I took my place and played a bit.  Then, I received a pass and made a basket.  I was so overjoyed that I looked at Darren and started to celebrate.  All the while the other nine men were halfway down the court.  Then the entire team was yelling at me to get back on defense.  Didn’t they understand?  The bookworm just scored two points!  Conversely, an example of undisciplined bad emotions is all too uncommon.  My father would chasten us rather severely if we exhibited any kind of anger.  He would not allow us to cry when getting chastened.  He refused to allow our emotions to dictate our actions.  Good or bad.  There is a lot of wisdom in this.

In our text above, Solomon tells his children to guide their hearts.  He does not tell them to allow their hearts to guide them.  This is the exact opposite advice the world gives itself.  All actions are dismissed if the heart led the way.  All one has to do to see this is to watch a Hallmark Christmas movie and somewhere in that movie, a counselor will tell a love-struck person to follow their heart!  Bad advice.  But, I believe the Spirit would have us apply this in a more serious manner.  The reason we are coming apart at the seams is that our heart guides us rather than us guiding our hearts.  We live with undisciplined emotions.  This is the result of an unbiblical view of child-rearing.  It started with my generation which was raised by parents who failed to discipline a child’s emotions (my parents excluded).  Dr. Spock was the guru.  Now, we are raising children who feel they need their emotions validated.  No wonder we are burning our cities down and attacking one another more fiercely than a virus ever could.  We cannot constrain our emotions and our actions are wildly undisciplined.  If we feel something, we think we are justified in acting out on those feelings regardless of what it may do to someone else.  It is impossible to live a life pleasing to God unless emotions are kept under control.  Otherwise, we are off in whatever direction our emotions carry us and we feel righteous in doing so because our hearts are the highest validation of right and wrong.