Fight or Flight? Both!

“And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest. Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah.” (Ps 55:6-7 AV)

 

When we think of David, the picture of a mighty warrior comes to mind.  We think of someone who is not intimidated by anything.  He faced down Goliath.  He out-foxed Saul.  He faced down several kings and defeated Jerusalem, converting it to Jewish territory.  David conquered Edom, Moab, and several other neighboring territories, giving Israel peace internally and externally.  When we think of David, we think of someone who isn’t phased by the least internal turmoil over the actions of others.  We see him escaping the deception of his first wife.  We read of him patiently waiting on God to deal with Nabal.  When Absalom rebelled, we noted a stalwart King retiring to a safe place with those who supported him, resigned to the will of God yet knowing God would honor His promises.  What we do not often see is the description of events that describe what he feels above.  This man of courage and integrity wants to run away.  He wants to leave everything behind and settle in a place where life cannot touch him.  He wants to abandon all that God has for him in exchange for an end to his current troubles.  Reading this, I am reminded of the apple of God’s eye feeling defeated and resigned and it comforts my heart.  If a man like David can feel this way, I guess when the time of life brings me to this point, I can permit myself to feel this way, too.

What David did not do was allow himself to permanently act on these feelings.  He may have fled from Saul, but he did so to keep himself safe.  He fled that he might, one day, take the throne.  David did not flee from Absalom because he felt like giving up.  He fled to protect the promises of God.  If Absalom were to kill David, the covenant made to him would have ceased.  David’s integrity was part of his decision-making process.  David did not cash it all in and go on permanent retirement.  Rather, despite his feelings, he remained committed to his duty and responsibility.  David did not allow his feelings of surrender to dictate what he was going to do.  He stayed engaged.  He remained active.  He may have escaped the immediate trouble, but he did not retreat to a state of non-engagement.  He took a much-needed rest.  He found safe places.  He took a few moments to catch his breath.  He fled like a bird into the wilderness, but he didn’t build a nest.  He may have relocated, but it was only temporary.  There was still a kingdom to run.  There was still a throne to occupy.  There were still enemies to conquer.  There remained a family to raise.

Every time I read those two verses, I cannot help but feel a bit the same way.  Sometimes more so than others.  There are times when I wish the rapture would happen yesterday.  If our nation continues its downward spiral, the day will come when this preacher may lose his freedom to pursue God’s call.  It is a simple fact of human history.  There may come a time when the saint can no longer openly profess Christ without fear of legal retribution.  At these times we will feel as David felt.  This is normal.  This is acceptable.  However, how we choose to respond when we do feel this way will be the measure of our character.  Will we remain engaged even if our hearts are far from it?  Will we promise to serve the LORD faithfully even though our feelings entice us to do something different?  As we wish for the rapture of the church because the world is getting ever more wicked, will we still seek to win and disciple the lost?  It is so nice to know that someone with far more courage than I can feel as I do.  Now I know that I am normal.  But, what I do while I have those feelings will determine the depth of integrity God has granted.  How about you?