Goodbye and Thank You

“20 ¶  My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: 21  Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck.” (Pr 6:20-21 AV)

 

Today, my extended family is gathering in person and virtually to say goodbye to our father, grandfather, and great grandfather.  My dad passed away almost a week and a half ago.  Born in 1933, he lived a full life.  A father to eleven children and married for sixty years to his one and only wife, my mother, he was a man of conviction and principle.  Although my father had his share of faults, as we all do, he was a man of commandments and consistency.  When I look back at how we were raised, the rules and commandments, for the most part, showed a lot of wisdom.  I will not bore the reader with specifics, but I will summarize his household by saying he expected his children to act older than they were.  He refused to allow us to act at what would seem the normal maturity level when compared to our peers.  If our peers would normally run the halls of a building, we did not.  If our peers wore the fads of the day, we did not.  If our peers were idle, we were not.  If our peers who carousing and getting into trouble, we were not.  In short, the commandments of my father were designed to grow us up quick and right when compared against what was thought normal for the day.

When I look at today’s parents and how they are raising their children, it saddens me.  These children are not expected to act in a responsible and grown-up way.  Over the years, I have worked in youth groups and as a pastor and had to console parents as their children got into all sorts of deep problems.  For the most part, we can trace the problems back to a lack of discipline and structure in the home.  It is not easy.  Surely our father lost a few years of his life with all we put him through.  One child is difficult enough.  But eleven?  He ran our home like a well-regimented organization.  There was absolutely no change in standards.  No adapting from one child to the next.  The principles applied to one child were the same to each.  There was no relaxing the standard because children are different.  It is a misnomer that children do not like rules and structure.  They may chafe at it or reject it, but that does not automatically mean they reject it.  How do I know?  Let me give you an example.

I lived in North Chicago which was an inner-city invironment.  Most of the children came from broken homes with no male authority figure to guide them.  The High School offered two programs which replaced Phy-Ed.  The student could opt into ROTC or the Community marching band.  Both were extremely popular.  But the Community Marching Band was by far the most popular.  We lived about a mile away from their practice field and could hear them playing and practicing very early every Saturday morning.  This went on from the time the snow melted until it flew again.  This commitment was a year commitment.  This marching band was not a school year commitment.  It was year-round.  The commitment meant six to eight hours of practice every Saturday.  It meant learning an instrument.  It meant learning to march in precise formations.  This marching band was so good, they regularly placed within the top five in the nation.  They even place within the top three several times.  This commitment required a high level of discipline and following unbending rules.  With such a strict environment, one would think the school would have a hard time finding students.  But there was actually a waiting list!

Solomon encourages his son to keep his commandments.  Commandments are timeless.  Application may vary, but the commandments do not.  The things my father taught me fifty-plus years ago are still true today.  They have never changed.  And never will.  Things like emotional discipline!  Things like balance and controlling impulse.  Things like hard work and goal-oriented living.  These things are always true.  I thank God for the father He gave me.  Again, he was not perfect.  But none of are.  However, there was a foundation that was laid that continue to my children.  And I can thank God for providing a man who never compromised and sought to do the right thing.