Inviting Trouble

“A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.” (Pr 18:19 AV)

This is a good thing to remember as we interact with others.  We take it for granted that we can say what we want to say or be what we want to be without any consequences on others.  Granted, there are souls who live to be offended.  There is nothing you can do or say that will make them happy.  They are looking for any reason to be offended.  It is a matter of control.  If they can always be offended, then they control the relationship.  It is a grand way of manipulating people into doing or being for you what you want from them.  This proverb in not for them.  Rather, we wish to consider there may be times when we say or do something that is clearly wrong.  Solomon does not cast judgment on either the offended or the offender.  The proverb is simply a statement of observation.  It could be offense is necessary.  Or, it could be accidental.  Either way, offense causes a change in the relationship and sometimes it is irreversible.  There is also another observation to be made here.  Note the offended initiates strife or contentions that may not be relevant to the original offense.  Once offended, any fault becomes a fault worth striving over.

Years ago, in a previous church, we had two saints who almost came to blows.  The whole thing started over a misunderstanding that could have been easily resolved.  One party shared well wishes with the spouse of another and it was blown way out of proportion.  This initial disagreement snowballed into a full-blown feud between two families.  In one particular altercation, these two people and their families went to the same revival at a sister church.  Neither knew the other was going to attend.  Am I glad I wasn’t preaching that meeting!  Talk about quenching the spirit.  One would think they would leave while avoiding the other.  Not so!  They had it out in the parking lot in front of all the guests assembled.  This continued for almost two years until one party realized they were fighting a losing battle and decided to attend elsewhere.  Now separated by two counties, these two parties ceased to bicker.  But there remained an undergirding of resentment, envy, and anger.  These two parties could not reconcile, and any fault was a large one.

The point is simple.  Being offensive may not be avoided.  However, if it can be avoided, it should be.  The sternest of warnings here is once offended, further strife over unrelated issues will be a never ending reality.  If we are not careful to watch our tongue, demeanor, or actions, we are inviting a whirlwind of strife to follow us all our days.  The brother whom we offended will offer contentions for the remainder of your relationship.  What I am startled as is the pride of man that will not allow him to apologize whenever he can if he had been an offense to someone else.  Yes, sometimes we are an offense by design.  It must be that way. But most of the time, we are an offense by ignorance, pride, or malice.  Saying one is sorry hurts no one.  Apologizing is not a show of weakness, but a show of strength.  The bars of contention are as hard as iron, and the longer we allow it to go on, the more difficult it is to break through.  Better to reconcile before the bars get to think and numerous.  All it takes is humility and love.