“And I said, This [is] my infirmity: [but I will remember] the years of the right hand of the most High. I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.” (Ps 77:10-11 AV)
The infirmity of which the writer speaks is the tendency to think that God has abandoned him. Because of adverse circumstances, the writer thinks God’s mercy has run out. He sees his situation as the cause for the LORD limiting His grace and benevolence. The cause for this is not mentioned. The writer does not assume that his sins or faults have caused God’s mercy to run out. The reason this thinking is called an infirmity is that his thinking is faulty. God’s mercy has not run out. God did not abandon him. His circumstances are not what they seem. The writer calls it an infirmity because it is a sickness. The sickness is one of perception. God’s mercy is everlasting. His lovingkindness never runs out. Once the writer realizes his thinking is warped, he chooses to think on what he knows and not on what he perceives. He knows that in the past, God was faithful and merciful. His perception of the present is skewed by his limited knowledge and emotional response. The best thing for him to do in meditate on the God he knows; not on the God he cannot figure out.
Life can be a whirlwind of confusion and fear. Not to overuse an example, but we are knee deep in the cancer experience. The type of cancer that we are involved in is treatable. Most people can live with it for decades. This means that information is accessible and varied. There are several groups that specialize in this type of cancer and even more support groups that offer help. The thing about this cancer is dealing with the many complications that come with it. This cancer affects different systems of the body. That means our cancer team is composed of several specialty disciplines that coordinate care. What this also means is many tests, appointments, medications, etc. We need a system in place to deal with all the different angles this cancer throws at us. It gets very overwhelming. Overnight, one has to coordinate many medications with a schedule of nourishment. That has to be balanced with a small and more frequent diet, yet specific in what can be tolerated. Blood sugar is a concern. And all that is just the tip of the iceberg. There are several treatments. One such treatment must be administered within a very short window. There are scans, tests, and blood work almost every month. We joke that we are shareholders in our local hospital. If we are not careful, we can think God has it out for us. Or at the very least, He has forgotten us.
The author was obviously overwhelmed by unforeseen and unfortunate circumstances. Whether they were of his own making or not, is undetermined. If we were to look at the verses above, we would assume they were not of his own making. Otherwise, he would accept the circumstances and seek forgiveness. What the author does is the best and only recourse. As we struggle in the present, hope for the future and look to the past. The present will take care of itself. God will do what God will do. He will show mercy. He has not run away. He doesn’t have it out for you. He is kind. There will always be questions. We may never understand why. But God is not a liar. He is not a tyrant. God does not take sick pleasure in making our lives miserable. He must and does allow for mankind to make choices. Those choices are seldom good ones. Amid our fallen nature, God shows mercy. He truly does. Look to the past for evidence. Then place your hope in the future.
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